Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning at 7:00am I will be at the hospital, ready to have a baby. After much discussion and deliberation, we decided to induce earlier than originally planned. And so tomorrow it is. I can't tell you how unreal it is, to have felt so incredible ready to have this baby for the last three or four weeks, but now that I actually know that it's happening tomorrow, I barely feel ready at all.

So many questions run through my mind. What is it going to be like, to be induced? Will it be much more uncomfortable from the start? Will I regret this decision? How long will labor take? Will I recognize my daughter the way I remember sort of recognizing Milo? What will she look like? Dark hair? Red hair? No hair? Will I love her right away, or will it take some time? How could my love for her possibly compare to my love for Milo? Is it even possible to love that much again?

It's less than 12 hours away, the beginning of the end of pregnancy. Probably my last pregnancy. I feel relief and sadness all at once. I had a sonogram this morning to check my fluid levels. Since we'd already decided to induce, it wasn't really necessary, but I'm so glad I kept the appointment. Even though she's too squished for me to see her face, I loved getting one last glimpse of her beating heart, her spine, and her cramped little body. I do feel connected in some way to this baby, and I hope that translates into love when I first hold her in my arms. I hear parents of two or more kids say that they, too, worried about loving the second child as much as they love the first, but that they just do. Can't explain it, you just do.

Tomorrow we'll become a family of four. Tomorrow Milo will meet his little sister. Tomorrow will be a day forever etched in my mind. And tomorrow, I just might start to believe that this is all really happening.