Today Andrew stepped on a water balloon that was just outside our back door. Except instead of a balloon, it was a dead mouse that Gary had left for us. And instead of water, it was mouse poop. And it shot across our kitchen.
The end.
WARNING: This post has absolutely nothing to do with Milo! In fact, I probably won't even mention him! Or at least not after the title! Or this!
A couple of friends (one of them being this girl, and you know she'll have good stuff) and I are having a garage sale this weekend. I've been gathering stuff to sell for weeks, and finally last night started collecting it all from its various cat-free zones around the house and putting it in the garage. It was a dirty, dusty chore.
As I carried some things through the kitchen, I felt something on my chest. Something like a bug. I looked down, but could see no bug. But OMG, you guys, I was wearing a tank top, the kind with the built-in bra, and with these glorious breastfeeding boobs, the depths of my cleavage know no bounds. I felt something again. Positive that a bug had fallen into my shirt, I started hoping that it was at least something small, like a silverfish (we have tons of those lately).
I started digging around in my tank top, and what do you know, A GIANT GROSS SPIDER SCUTTLES OUT OF MY CLEAVAGE AND ON TO MY SHOULDER. I literally shrieked and jumped around, frantically brushing my arm, trying to remove the spider without smearing it on my skin. I yelled for Andrew. By the time he came in the spider was on my belly (on the shirt, THANK GOD) and he brushed it first to my leg, then to the floor, where it began to hurry away. Andrew lifted his foot as if to step on it and squash it, but he was not wearing shoes and hesitated, foot in midair. Unfortunately, I was wearing shoes. With only a moment's hesitation, I stomped on that eight-legged terror. And let me tell you, that was the grossest squished bug I've ever seen.
So I knew I wasn't a fan of spiders and all, but I had no idea that if one were to be on me that I would freak out so much. The shrieking, the hopping, the shaking, the feeling that it is STILL THERE EVEN NOW, HOURS LATER. *shudder*
But hey! You should totally come to our garage sale! I'm a sucker and a people-pleaser, so I will probably give you a good deal.
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