Hello Again

Well. It has been awhile, hasn't it? I owe you some updates.

• Andrew taught Milo how to "raise the roof." It's pretty funny, but very fifteen years ago. What, are we going to teach him the Macarena next?
• Milo played in the sprinkler for the first time. He was a little cautious at first, but got into it after awhile. Video to come, maybe, if I get around to it.
  
• My five-year anniversary at Hallmark is in a couple days. Seems hard to believe that I've been at this company that long. Hallmark has so many people who have been here for 25 or 30 years, that to be here for only five is to still be considered new. I spent about a month in proofreading, then spent almost a year and a half in visual merchandising before moving to the books team, where I've been for almost three and a half years. Good times. Sometimes I wonder how many years I'll work at Hallmark. Will I retire from here? I have no idea, but I'm happy where I'm at for now.
• Sometimes I have incredible guilt over being a working mom. Scratch that. I often have incredible guilt over being a working mom. I see things that daycare does that are just not good enough, and I think, if I stayed home, Milo would have better. I don't really want to stay home with him, though. So instead I just cry sometimes and wallow in the guilt.
• Some days I really hate daycare. Some examples: 1) Now that Milo is eating at a table with the other kids, we basically quit sending lunch and snacks with him and just let him eat the daycare food (which is crappy). So we cross off the things on the menu that we don't want him to have, like pop-tarts, brownies, and honeybuns, among others. And then when I pick him up, I see that he was fed pop-tarts anyway. Apparently the teacher that remembers to check our crossed-off menu wasn't here yet. But seriously, why does a daycare feed one-year-olds pop-tarts and brownies IN THE SAME DAY anyway? Outrageous. 2) Milo's classroom plays outside every day. They have some kind of mulch out there, I guess. The other night, after Milo had been home for over an hour (and fussy the whole time) I took his shoes off and TONS OF MULCH FELL OUT. Little pieces of WOOD inside his SHOES, that were sandal-like, so he didn't even have SOCKS on. No wonder he was fussy. I would be too if I had been walking around with shrapnel in my shoes for hours on end. 3) When I got to daycare the other day, I noticed right away that Milo smelled like poo. His teacher asked if I wanted her to change him before we left, since it had been a couple hours since his last diaper change. I said, yes please. And as she cleaned him up, I stood there playing with Milo. And she was about to snap up the clean diaper, but I could still see SEVERAL LARGE PIECES OF MULCH around his groin. I said, would you please wipe those away before putting on the new diaper? She said, oh sure, I can do that. AS IF IT WERE UNREASONABLE TO ASK TO REMOVE THE CHUNKS OF WOOD FROM MY SON'S UNDERPANTS.
• We have a mile-long list of house projects, but it doesn't look like we're going to cross many of those projects off any time soon. Lack of money, lack of time, lack of Mark and Stan (they're tied up with Mark's house project). One of my goals for 2011 was to redecorate our bedroom. I've purchased some new bedding and some accessories, but I'm not sure new furniture is going to happen this year. I have to sell our current furniture first, anyway. If you or anyone you know is looking for an ebony-stained hardwood bedroom furniture set that includes a queen-sized bed, two nightstands, tall dresser, and a wide dresser with big square mirror, let me know. I'd probably be willing to make a deal.
• I just learned at work that my department is moving to a different location in the building. I'm going to miss my cube. I've got a narrow sliver of window (a rare commodity in this place). I'm against the wall so I never have any passersby. And because I'm against the back wall, I'm missing a cube wall, which gives me an extra eight inches or so of space. It'll be a sad day for me when we make the move. I hear it'll be sometime before August, so I'll just have to make the most of our last summer together.
• As you may have (but probably haven't) noticed in my "about me" sidebar, we are now a one-cat family. As you might recall, I had some major concerns about our cat Gary and her aggressive tendencies. Hoping to help her release some of her tension, we let her become an outdoor cat last fall. It went okay for awhile. But we put her outside on December 7, and I haven't seen her since. I remember the exact date, because it began snowing on my birthday, and I thought, I hope Gary's okay. She's been outside for four days now (longer than usual) and I don't know what she'll do in the cold and snow. Then on Christmas night, we left town to go to Colorado, and I worried that even if Gary tried to come back, we wouldn't be home to let her in. And then winter got more wintry, and at some point, I quit looking for her as I drove into the neighborhood. I have no idea what happened to her. Was she picked up by animal control? I don't think so, since she's microchipped and I think they would have contacted us. Did another family take her in and start feeding her? Probably not, since she would have peed on their floors and bitten their heads off. Was she injured, hit by a car, stuck in a tree, frozen in the snow? Makes me sad to think of it. I remember when we first got her, and she was such a tiny wiry kitten. I said to Andrew, I don't know how sad it will be when she's old and sick. She's my first pet, I can't imagine how I'll feel. But she never got to be old or sick. And honestly, I'm not really sad anymore. I look at Milo, and I know that if that cat had hurt him in any way, I would personally have driven her to the vet to never come home without thinking twice about it. So I guess it's all for the best. I just wish I knew what had happened to her.
• Zadie, meanwhile, our one and only cat, has been wonderful around Milo. She lets him pet her and chase her, and even when he threw himself on top of her, she didn't swat him or anything. She's a good cat. I think we'll keep her for awhile.

Milo's First Stocking

1:15pm - Survey crafting area. Hmmm. Lots of baby stuff.

1:16pm - Much better.

Ready for The Stocking Slash Crafting Event 2010. But wait—something's missing...

1:18pm - Ambience. I'm missing ambience.

1:25pm - Uh oh, baby's awake and he's coming this wa1zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzRRRRRRTttg

1:26pm - Must move ambience. It is a choking hazard.

1:36pm - Daddy came for baby. Where was I? Oh, right. Stocking. Must gather supplies.

1:38pm - Begin tracing existing stocking. So far so good.

1:43pm - Tracing complete. Now where did I put that candy? I mean, ambience.

1:45pm - Size check. Looks just right for this little guy's first Christmas.

1:49pm - Milo back. Decide to not stop him from hitting the keyboard and instead grab camera.

1:50pm - Decide to not delete Milo's first typing. He is brilliant, no?

A!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~AQq ``````````````````````````````````````````````AWQQQQQQ W A `11111AXQAW

1:52pm - Pins: good idea or not? Will try pins.

2:17pm - Ack, the distractions! Finished nursing Milo. Time to get back to business.

2:18pm - Must move cat first.

2:20pm - Ready to cut!

2:22pm - Zadie watches. More cat sabotage in store?

2:26pm - Cat attacks! Why does she hate Christmas so?

2:31pm - Two pieces of felt, ready to become a stocking.

2:31:30 - Note the time. Wonder how come crafting takes so long.

2:40pm - Turn pieces inside out so red outline won't show.

2:41pm - Damn. It shows. Attempt to trim it off.

2:42pm - Give up. Decide red outline gives the stocking holiday ambience.

2:42:30pm - Speaking of ambience...

2:48pm - Gluing going well. Last time there was hot glue. This time tacky glue. People who craft, tell me: which is the better choice? Maybe the sewing-machine type of glue is really best. But I don't know how to use that kind.

2:56pm - Gluing complete. Taking a quick timeout to play with Milo.

7:30pm - Well. Back to work. Break was longer than expected.

7:31pm - Survey crafting area. Hmm. Lots of baby stuff.

7:32pm - Much better. Ready for The Stocking Slash Crafting Event 2010, Part 2. But wait—something's missing... Ambience.

7:35pm - Determine ribbon arrangement. Not a lot of options, really.

7:38pm - Cut ribbons. Prepare to glue.

7:54pm - Sigh. Ribbons not staying put.

8:02pm - Jeebus. Ribbons finally attached. Crossing fingers that they stay put.

8:09pm - Ribbons all falling off. Determine hot glue is the way to go for this type of project.

8:10pm - Ask self once again why I ever attempt crafty projects.

8:19pm - Begin tedious work of cutting out letters.

8:29pm - Ready to do some ironing and take this project to a whole new level.

8:33pm - Feeling lazy. Decide to let glue fully dry and finish this project tomorrow.

9:25pm TWO WEEKS LATER - Finished stocking, like, forever ago. Forgot to take any more photos. Please enjoy this slightly blurry photo of all three completed stockings.

He thought it was a stick.

Today Andrew stepped on a water balloon that was just outside our back door. Except instead of a balloon, it was a dead mouse that Gary had left for us. And instead of water, it was mouse poop. And it shot across our kitchen.

The end.

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Tough Decision

I hate making really tough decisions. I always go back and forth, weighing the pros and cons until my head is about to explode. Andrew and I are in the middle of making a tough decision right now, but I feel like it's mostly me making the decision since Andrew already knows what he'd do if I weren't here. But I think I finally know what has to be done.

Here's the deal. We have this baby, whom we love more than anything. It is our job to protect him and care for him above all else. We also have this cat, who can be...vicious. And we have to decide whether or not to keep the cat. This cat has never been aggressive toward Milo. She ignores him for the most part. But when he's crawling around, reaching out and grabbing her tail, will she remain so passive?

I took Gary (the cat) to the vet yesterday, and she was absolutely terrifying. The vet said she was the most aggressive cat he's ever seen, almost to the point that he'd describe her as feral. She hissed and swiped and bit. It took fifteen minutes for the vet to wrangle her enough for the vet tech to give her her shots. Andrew had told me Gary was bad at the vet, but this was the first time I'd witnessed it. I was honestly afraid of her, and I was so thankful that my MIL was watching Milo. For the first time, I felt that Gary was a real and true threat to my family.

But the thing is, 90 percent of the time she is sweet and cuddly. She purrs so much, drool just drips out of her mouth. She's like a puppy; she waits by the door when we get home. She loves to sit on our laps and snuggle next to us at night.

The other 10 percent of the time, however, is a completely different story. She swipes at us when startled or when she doesn't want to do what we want her to do. She hisses at our guests. She pees wherever she feels like it, often right in front of us, as if to say, hey, eff you guys, I'll do what I want and you can't stop me. She scratches on the furniture when she wants food or attention. She shreds the carpet when a door is closed to a room she wants to be in. This morning Andrew reached down to pick her up and she swiped at him, leaving a bleeding scratch on his lip.

Honestly, do I even have a choice? Something has to change. Do we make her an outdoor cat, hoping she'll work out her aggression and energy outside, but risking that she'll become even wilder when she's home? Do we try to find another home for her, somewhere where she can be outdoors with lots of land to run around on? Or do we go with Andrew's preferred choice and have her put to sleep? But I couldn't do that. We've had her for five years, and despite her many, many faults, I love her and feel responsible for her. She's my first pet, and the first pet Andrew and I got together.

But there's Milo. And I have to do what is best for him. And if there is even a chance that Gary would hurt him, then she has to go. I can't wait until it happens, then feel regret that I didn't take action sooner. We're planning to ask Andrew's aunt and uncle, who live out in rural Missouri, if they will take her. Take her back, actually, since it was they who found her in their barn when Gary was just a day or so old. (Robin, if you read this, whaddya say?)

In my heart I know Gary has to go. But I swear, I'm gonna miss that goddamn cat.

Just look in those kitten eyes. You can see the future staring right back at you.

Eventually Gary would conquer this sofa and shred it all to hell.
Look at that tongue!
Gary reeeaaally hated wearing that jack-o-lantern hat. For the life of me, I can't imagine why.

Maybe in the end, this decision isn't so difficult after all.

Ew times two

Well. Our cat, Zadie, is full of sick, and it is coming out both ends, if you know what I mean. And I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. We (Andrew) had a fun time cleaning that up this morning. That's all I'm going to say about that. You're welcome.

Everybody do the worm.

I have worms. Not in the gross way, but the good, composty sort of way. I found a worm seller in Spring Hill, KS (or rather, the worm-preneur found me, via this blog), and on Sunday Andrew and I drove down there and bought three-quarters of a pound of red wigglers. They also gave us a bag of manure and castings to help us get our bin started. Very nice. They gave the worms to us in this jar that they had labeled with their own company label. Pretty cool. I think I may have been the first customer, which is also awesome.

In case you’re interested in starting your own worm bin, here’s how I did it. But don’t copy me until I update you on whether it’s working or not.

Step 1: Buy container; drill air holes.
Step 2: Fill with shredded paper.
Step 3: Let cat play in shredded paper.
Step 4: Dampen paper with squirt bottle.
Step 5: Put on rubber gloves; dump in manure/castings.
Step 6: Dump in jar of worms.
Step 7: Realize that worms will not just fall out of the jar.
Step 8: Reach into the jar and start shoveling out worms.
Step 9: Huh. Notice that worms are much warmer than I expected.
Step 10: Shovel more worms.
Step 11: Bury worm pile with shredded paper.
Step 12: Add handful of chopped up food waste; cover with more shredded paper.
Step 13: Put lid on, wait for something to happen.

Cat Burglar!

LOST: 1 bottle of moisturizer, white w/ black lid. Smooths skin, minimizes pores. Best moisturizer I’ve ever had, with price tag to match. Stolen from bathroom counter late Sunday night. Suspect is black and gold, about 12 inches high, with pointy ears and long whiskers. Despite ferocious petting, suspect refuses to talk. If you have any information that could lead to the arrest of suspect, please call 1-800-DUMB-CAT.

Pretty In Pink

Our cats are not declawed. They’re all-natural, baby. Andrew and I made the decision to not declaw them because after researching the topic, we just couldn’t do it. It’s not a very nice procedure. But—we knew that any furniture we had would suffer. These cats like to scratch on things, and their tiny brains can’t seem to grasp the difference between the scratching post and the edges of the furniture (or our guests’ faces).

To save the furniture (and our guests’ faces), we bought Soft Claws. They’re little nail covers for the cats. The covers are tiny rubber pieces that we basically superglue onto the cats’ nails. Needless to say, the cats LOVE this process and look forward to it Every. Single. Week. (The first time Andrew tried to glue the covers onto Gary he ended up throwing her down the stairs. It’s not a fun process. But I digress.)

The only kind of Soft Claws available at our local pet superstore were clear, but the packaging said the covers came in other colors. At first, we were all, “Colored Soft Claws would be stupid. We don’t want our cats to look stupid.” But after a few months, we realized that it was difficult to tell when the covers had fallen off when they were clear. And surprisingly, Gary and Zadie don’t love it when we inspect their paws.

So we looked online (I just love the interwebs, don’t you?) and bought some bright pink Soft Claws. And they are awesome. Our kitties look so stylish with their preshus manicures. And we can always tell when it’s time to apply more Soft Claws. (By the way, the packaging says we should only have to reapply every 4-8 weeks, when the nail naturally sheds, but it’s more like every 4-8 days. For real.) (But still totally worth it.)

My man and my cat . . .
showing off their pink (and their chest hair).

My 100th post!

Yes, this is officially my 100th post. Originally, I planned to write something prosey and feely about writing, which would likely have only entertained myself. But I am leaving for the airport in about 20 minutes (it's a 3Ms weekend to see Emily's new digs), so instead I'm posting a video of my cat. Incidentally, this also will only entertain myself. And maybe Andrew.

Bullet-point Monday

Because I am not up to the task of writing a cohesive narrative, I give you the ever-popular bulleted list.

• I joined Facebook and so far, I just don’t get it. A couple of people that I barely know (and never really knew) have added me as a friend. Why? What do we have to catch up on, exactly? But it’s early yet, so I’ll give it time. Maybe I just haven’t figured it out. I’m kind of slow like that.
• We’re going to a wedding this weekend. A wedding in which Andrew is a groomsman. And yesterday, Andrew wrapped a gift for the happy couple. And picked out a card. And wrote the message in the card (And, by the way, he did not just slap a few words of congratulations down and call it a day, he actually typed the message out beforehand to be sure it said what he wanted it to say. And had me check over it in my editorly fashion.). And then wrote it out all nice and neat in the card. Aren’t you so impressed with his forethought and careful deliberation? I am.
• It has come to my attention that my pea-brained cats have not been using the Cat Genie. All I have to say about this is “ew.”
• Began carpool #2 this morning. Here’s hoping this one works out better than the last.
• My cute-yet-still-appropriate-for-work Bermuda shorts fit again! And are even a little large! I bought these just over a year ago, sometime before my wedding, when I was working out all the damn time. Then, I got married, promptly quit working out, and began eating a lot of leftover wedding pastries. Word to the wise, don’t try this at home. I gained about 15 pounds in a matter of a few short months. But as you may recall, I began going to a personal trainer back in January (or was it February? It’s not like I have archives to help me remember these things. OH WAIT.) and have begun a regular exercise regimen AND IT IS FINALLY MAKING SOME SORT OF DIFFERENCE.

And that is all I have to say today.

Because I can tell you have been dying to know.

A little update on the Cat Genie. Our darling little tiny-brained cats have used it exactly one day. And then they quit, thankyouverymuch. I’m sure glad they appreciate the value of a dollar. The many, many dollars it cost to buy them a fancy new toilet. Also, I hope they like the screeching sound the pipes make whenever the water is running, now that we’ve hooked this thing up to our plumbing system.

How about a little more Baklava?

We have been slowly running out of cat litter for a couple of weeks now. Okay, we were actually out of cat litter, except for the stuff that was still in the litter box. But we didn’t hear the cats complaining, so we put off buying more. Until this weekend, when we could no longer ignore it. The cats’ pitiful meows of disdain at the dirty box were starting to get annoying.

So we made a trip to our pet store of choice and bought some litter. Then what did we do? We went home and set up our new Cat Genie (that has been sitting in its box for two weeks). Perhaps you have heard of it? The latest litter box craze sweeping the nation? Well. It does not require any actual litter, or at least the variety that we just bought. We’re smart like that. ANYWAY. We pored over the instructions, and set up all the little parts and pieces, and I kept rubbing it, but I never got any wishes (Get it? Like a genie-in-a-bottle kind of genie? And the Aladdin reference in the title? No? Just me, then?).

Let me tell you how the Cat Genie works. It hooks up to your water supply and requires a drain, and then it basically scoops up the waste and blasts it into liquid that goes down your drain. Like magic. And it uses these plastic-y washable granules that get rinsed and dried when you run the cycle. Once we got it all set up, we ran a test cycle to be sure it was hooked up properly. We wouldn’t want cat poo to go flying all over the basement or anything.

So we pressed the button, and watched the scooper hand scoop while the bowl turned around. Then we watched it fill with water and cleaning product, and then we watched it drain and start to dry. The whole thing took over thirty minutes. And let me tell you, it was the most boring thing I have ever watched. By my estimation, I lost about three years of my life, hanging out in the chilly basement, hovering over the litter box, staring into the slowly turning bowl while the drool slowly dribbled down my chin.

Now, two days later, I’m not sure if the cats have even used it. It might be a little too clean for them. They’re used to us turning their beds down at night and getting little chocolates on their pillows, but we rarely clean their bathroom. Wouldn’t them to get all uppity on us.

Baby it's cold

See this picture? That is Zadie, our recently shaved cat, sitting about two inches from the space heater. I guess when you take away all the fur, she's just an 85-year-old man at heart. (I have always wondered why she calls Andrew "sonny" and tells the same stories over and over.)

Or maybe we should turn up the heat in the house? Nah. Too expensive.

Brrrr. Is Cold.

PS - Does anyone else think my living room could use more color? Who's got David Bromstad's number?

It wasn't just for kicks

Apparently I did not really explain WHY we shaved Zadie. It wasn't just so we could point and laugh. She had a little matted fur problem that we could not fix. We tried to brush her, but she can be a little jumpy, to say the least. The razor was our last resort. And now, even though she is not as pretty as she once was, she is just as sweet. Maybe even more sweet. She's being awfully cuddly and nice. But she might just be cold. She did lose a lot of fur (I wonder if they weighed her before or after the shaving . . .).

You've got to see this.

Words really can't adequately describe the new Zadie. In case you missed it, she got the lion. And a little Valentine's Day bandana. And she smelled like baby powder. Seriously. I didn't know cats could smell like that. But enough talk. Let's get to the good stuff (the photos).

True to form, Zadie went straight for the food bowl as soon as she got home from the vet. In her defense, she hadn't eaten in over 24 hours (since she was getting anesthesia, the vet said no food).


I'm not sure if Gary didn't visibly recognize Zadie or if she just smelled different or what, but Gary was very cautious around this "new" cat. Gary kept peeking around doorways and watching Zadie, but every time Zadie got too close, Gary hissed, poofed up her tail, and ran away.


Without her fur, you can definitely see the blubbery rolls on this cat. They weighed her at the vet's office, and she is a hefty 18 pounds, 8 ounces. They suggested she lose about four pounds. Do the math, people. That's a huge percentage (I didn't actually do the math, or I would tell you exactly what that percentage is. But I bet it's a lot.).

Who took mah fur? I can has fur back? Kthxbai.

Shave and a Haircut... Definitely Not Two Bits

Guess what is happening today? Perhaps right this minute, as you read this? Our darling kitty is becoming a lion. Or more accurately, she is getting a lion. Not sure what I am talking about? Getting a lion is like getting a mullet or a bowl cut. Yes, now you’ve got it. We are shaving Zadie, by which I mean the vet is shaving Zadie, by which I mean the vet’s assistants are shaving Zadie. Pictures will come soon. She will have fur on her head and around her paws, and probably nowhere else. I wonder if she will still love us...

Guess what else is happening today? I am getting my hair cut. I know, I know, booooorrrriiiiing. But I had to mention it since I put it in the title. And FYI, the entire day’s hair/fur loss will not cost two bits, but more like 104 bits (dollah dollah bills, y’all). And Zadie is the lion’s share of that (get it? the LION’S share? Ha!!!). Forgive me; it’s early.

Somebody's going on the Naughty List

Not sure exactly what goes on in the Langford house when the people Langfords are at work, but there has been some naughty behavior going on lately. Unfortunately for one small feline, the evidence is mounting.

Exhibit A

Oh no! I lost me lucky arm! How will I spread love and soft cheeses without it? Halp!

Exhibit B

Hmmm... 'Tis the snowman's arm. But how did it get all the way upstairs?

Exhibit C

Enough said.