So Far So Good

When I was in college, I had a couple of weird spots on my skin that I wanted a dermatologist to check out. So I made myself an appointment, stripped down, and bared my skin for the doctor. Because I'm a fair-skinned redhead, I asked questions about skin cancer, too.

Twenty minutes later, I left the dermatologist's office angry and embarrassed. "How old are you?" he asked me. "Twenty," I said. He huffed. "At your age," he said, "it is impossible to have skin cancer." He didn't even say "nearly impossible" or "very unlikely." He said "impossible." This idiot doctor made me feel like a fool for even considering the possibility that I was at risk for melanoma, and I left with no info on warning signs or anything. Yes, I was young, but that was no reason to treat me like I wasn't even worth your time.

Fast-forward ten years. Lately, I've somehow been reminded that skin cancer is out there. I went to a presentation on healthy habits and was reminded to get a skin cancer screening. I came across the blog of a 23-year-old who was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma. I signed up for a long-term cancer prevention study. Lots of things have been reminding me that cancer exists.

I decided to get screened. I don't have any particular concerns. No moles or strange spots or anything. But I worry that I'm in the high-risk category for skin cancer because of my extremely fair skin and it kind of freaks me out. This morning I had my appointment with a new dermatologist, and it was a hundred times better than my college experience.

I explained why I was there, that I had no immediate concerns but just wanted to be checked, and the response was "Good for you!" So much nicer than "Um, why are you here?" After a thorough check, I was deemed clear. No concerns at this time. But they suggested I come back for yearly checks just to be safe. I made my next appointment before I even walked out the door.

And you better believe I will be wearing my sunscreen.

Changes

When I was pregnant with Milo, I gained a lot of weight. I managed to lose all the baby weight, but I held on to about 10 extra pounds that had slowly crept on over the last few years. When I got pregnant with Olive, I didn't want to gain as much weight as with my first pregnancy. But morning sickness and the dreariness of it all got to me, and I basically had a completely lackluster attitude about it.

I ate whatever I wanted and somehow that translated into weight gain. I was mad at myself for letting it happen, but I made no effort to remedy the situation. I think I had already given up on ever being thin or even average. I was 30, I hardly exercised, and I never have had an athletic or naturally thin body type. I figured that baby weight was mine for good.

And then I had Olive, and a few weeks after her birth, I was feeling like a huge fat cow. I hated looking at myself. I had no one to blame but myself and it was depressing. On top of carrying around an extra 70 pounds, I had a ton of ugly stretch marks around my middle. Everything was saggy and gross. And moms, you know how it is, feeling bad about your post-baby body and being so hormonal and tired that everything is magnified a thousand times. It was not a good time.

A friend of mine had done Weight Watchers in the past and was planning to join again after her baby was born. On somewhat of a whim, I signed up. Didn't really think about it, just decided something had to be done about this weight. I wasn't ready to give up yet. I started tracking my food and making small changes. Less bread. Less cheese. Fewer random snacks. Smaller portions.

And the weight started to come off. Five months later, I am down 65 pounds from where I was the day before Olive was born. That's two Milos. I figure I have about five pounds to go before I'll start maintenance, though I have no idea how to do that. I'm very good at gaining weight, and pretty good at losing it, but never staying the same. So we'll see how that goes.

But it wasn't just Weight Watchers that has changed me. For some crazy reason, a few months ago I decided it would be a good idea to start running. And before I'd ever even tied up my laces, I signed up for a 5K. When I signed up, the race was in 12 weeks, giving me plenty of time to train with the nine-week Couch to 5K program.

I'm now about to start Week 8 of the program, and the difference in my body is incredible. My arms and legs are more toned than they've ever been. Ever. My face and neck look visibly thinner to me. Pants that have been too tight for years are suddenly baggy. My wedding ring slips and slides around my finger. I'm wearing skinny jeans and enjoying them, for crissakes. Even though my tummy still has the almost-faded stretchmarks and extra roundness that are the telltale signs of having recently had a baby, I feel better about my body than I have since I got married.

It's not just outside changes that I am noticing, either. I can run 25 minutes without walking. I'm sure my heart is getting healthier. I can walk up more flights of stairs before feeling winded. Never in my life have I exercised as much as I am right now. And it feels pretty incredible.

Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving in the evenings to go work out. I miss the kids' bedtime, and there are few things I love more than reading stories and cuddling with Milo. But I'm so glad that he gets to see me put on my workout clothes and head out the door. He is learning that exercise is important. I want to set a good example for him and pave the way for his and Olive's lifelong health.

To sum up, I'm proud of myself. If I can make these kinds of changes, anyone can. Because I really like eating and watching television. My 5K is in exactly one month. And I am going to finish it.

Ear Update

Milo's surgery went well. We arrived at the surgery center at 6:30 this morning; we left around 8:30. Fluid was sucked out, tubes were put in.

Milo was a little fussy afterward, but I suspect it was more from hunger than anything. I nursed him, and he ate well. And we were ready to go home.

When we got home, he was in a fantastic mood. He was smiling and bouncing and crawling around like he always does. Right now he's napping in Grandma Susan's arms. I'd say he's doing just fine.

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More About the Tubes

Last Thursday we sought a second opinion on Milo's ear infection situation and went to an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat doctor). The doctor checked Milo's ears and told us that he has what they (affectionately, I'm sure) call "glue ear." It means that the fluid has been unable to drain in his ears and has accumulated for so long that it has become thick and gluey. This kind of mucousy fluid is unlikely to drain and will probably continue to become infected.

We also learned that Milo's hearing is being affected by all this fluid, and that he probably has about a 40 percent reduction in his hearing. So that sucks, and may explain why he no longer seems to know his name. I hate that Milo can't hear. How can a little guy learn to speak or begin to understand what we're talking about if he can't hear properly?

Combine the hearing loss with the "unlikely to drain" comment with the fact that I don't want Milo on antibiotics for the next four months, and we had our answer. Milo was going to get tubes. The doctor went over everything with us, explaining the procedure, the recovery, and what having tubes would mean for future care. It was all pretty straightforward. In spite of his pediatrician's hesitation, we were ready to move forward.

Of course, we saw the pediatrician the next day and after discussing the fluid in his ears, Milo's sleeping and eating habits, and the fact that Milo is on the low-end of the growth charts, the pediatrician actually said that getting tubes was probably a good thing for Milo, especially considering that it is still so early in the winter cold/flu season.

This made us feel much better about getting the surgery. We are hoping that we come home with a new and improved baby. (Okay, not a new baby, just an improved one.) I think Milo may start sleeping better. He might have an improved appetite (important for gaining weight). I think he will quit getting ear infections. And I know he'll be able to hear us.

I'm still nervous about taking my baby in for surgery, but I'm confident that we're doing the best thing for him. Surgery is tomorrow morning at 7:30am. Wish us well!

A Recurring Theme

Last Thursday Andrew got a call from daycare: Milo has a fever, better come pick him up. Andrew took off work, picked up Milo, and tried (unsuccessfully) to reach me for a couple hours. Eventually I got his messages, felt incredibly guilty for not being there for my poor sick baby, and rushed out of the office, just in time to meet them at the doctor's office.

Turns out Milo had another ear infection. Antibiotics were prescribed. Andrew and I sighed at the prospect of forcing unpleasant fluid down our baby's throat for the next ten days. We were also told to expect diarrhea with these antibiotics. So yay...

Over the next couple days, antibiotics were administered. Some went in the mouth, much was spit out. Frustration was felt by all involved parties. And, as expected, diarrhea was dealt with. We bought probiotics and yogurt in an attempt to combat the diarrhea, but Milo was pretty tired of various things being forced upon him and adopted a clamped-shut jaw policy.

Saturday evening, the fever returned with a vengeance. My baby was absolutely burning up. Pitiful. We called the nurses, who said to give him Tylenol and wake him up every four hours or so during the night to check his fever and give him more medicine. If the fever was still high in the morning, call back.

Fever stayed high through the night and the next morning, so we called back. They said that we could probably wait until Monday morning to see the doctor, but if something changed (like he quit eating or fever spiked even higher) we should take him to Children's Mercy urgent care. Or if we just got anxious and wanted him to get treated right away, we could take him in. When Milo threw up and wouldn't nurse, we took him to urgent care.

An hour and a half later, we had our diagnosis: still an ear infection. But hey! It's the other ear now. But shouldn't the antibiotics have been working on both ears? I asked. Maybe he wasn't getting the full dose, said the doctor. Damn, we said. Kid, you've gotta quit spitting that stuff out.

A different antibiotic was prescribed—this one just a once-a-day—but we had to start over with our ten-day course. Supposedly this new medicine tastes better than the other one, according to kids who are old enough to express their opinions. Milo might disagree.

There is nothing worse than shoving medicine down your kid's throat. I feel so entirely helpless, because he hates it and I hate it, but I know I have to do it for his own good. Why hasn't anyone come up with a better way to give babies medicine? I think a patch would be much better. Can someone work on that for me?

Quick Weekend Update

We had quite an industrious weekend. We bought this table. ($100 off, BTW!) I bought these glasses. (Okay, these might not be the exact pair…I had trouble finding a good picture. But I’m pretty sure these are the ones. And look! Blue!) Andrew bought a bunch of clothes, and I borrowed a bunch of maternity clothes from another recently-pregnant friend, Monica. I cleaned out my closet and piled up a bunch of stuff to go to Goodwill, and I boxed up the stuff that is either too summery or too small to wear for the next five or six months. My mom came over and helped me remove the teddy bear wallpaper border that was in our future baby room. We also took down the eyelet-lace-pink-gingham valance. I will not miss it.

And then the best part of the weekend (by which I actually mean the worst part of the weekend) was when Andrew spent all of last night laying on the floor of the bathroom with the flu. Or something terrible. Remember last year? Yeah, this is eerily similar. Cross your fingers that this year we won’t need a trip to the ER.

Well, that was fun.

Andrew and I are in beautiful northern California, and guess where we were this morning. You guessed it, one of Davis's hot spots and top-rated tourist destinations--the emergency room. Andrew was severely dehydrated, nauseous, shaky, barely able to move on his own, etc. So we took him to the ER for some fluids and assurance. Two hours and two liters of fluid later, he was able to walk out on his own. So glad we went and didn't just "wait and see." It seems he has a touch of the flu and desperately needed hydration. Thankfully, we don't fly back until tomorrow evening, so I'm hoping he recovers a bit more before we have to get on a plane. Right now, he's playing a video game, so he's definitely on his way back to normal.

My Eyes, Part Deux

Yesterday Andrew and I were at a coffee shop. I had chai, he a mocha. We were just sitting and chatting when it happened. The same strange zigzag light in my vision. It wasn't as severe as the other day, but it was still making me all hurty and fuzzy. I checked the time, so I'd know how long it lasted. Like before, the zigzag started moving to the outer corners of my peripheral vision, then eventually disappeared. Again, it took about twenty minutes. This time my headache was more severe. I decided it was time to try to get in to the ophthalmologist a little sooner.

I called this morning and told them about my messed up vision, and asked if I could move my appointment (it was scheduled for 11 days from now). She asked me to describe what had been happening, and when I told her, she said I needed to come in right away. Like, that morning. This kind of freaked me out. It was apparently potentially bad enough that it might need to be dealt with immediately.

I went in at 11:30. They dilated my eyes and checked for retinal detachment. And I don't have that. It all looks good. Good-ish. I don't have any retinal detachment and it seems that it was ophthalmic migraines after all. But I have no idea what is causing them. Something I am eating? Stress? There is just no telling. I have to go back in a month so they can check again and make sure nothing looks different.

I asked about LASIK, if that would decrease my risk for retinal detachment. And, unfortunately, no. It won't. A stretched-out cornea is stretched out for life. So this high risk of torn retinas will be with me for life. Yay. . .

Is this TMI, Dr. Internets?

This afternoon my eyes started freaking out on me. In a scary is-this-what-it-feels-like-to-go-blind? kind of way. But I was overreacting. Probably. I was working at my computer when I got this lightning-bolt shaped, blurry, flashing light spot in my vision and a headache to go with it (except the headache was already there, it just seemed intensified with the vision thing).

I would guess that if I had more normal eyes to begin with, I wouldn't have been too concerned about this. But I have really terrible vision. Like superbad, can't-see-the-Big-E kind of bad. And when I saw my eye doctor last year, she told me that since my vision was so bad, my retinas were more likely to tear, so if I saw flashing lights in my peripheral vision that didn't go away, I should call and come in immediately. Because I could lose my vision if I didn't take care of the retina problem. So when I saw this flashing light this afternoon, I freaked a little. Also, my eye has been twitching lately, which always seems to happen when I'm feeling stressed, and last night I was feeling like there was a lot of pressure behind my eyes and I thought I should probably go to the ophthalmologist and make sure nothing was wrong. And then the next day something was Wrong.

Wait five minutes, I said to myself. See if has gone away by then. Five minutes came and went. Still lighting bolts. Possibly even getting more intense. I honestly couldn't read my computer screen anymore, it had affected my vision that much. Ten minutes. Still flashy. Time to google. (Somehow that is always my go-to solution. And it hasn't failed me yet.)

I googled something like "vision flashing light eye." Maybe one other word. Eh, doesn't matter. I found that this is apparently a fairly common and not-too-severe problem. It's called an ophthalmic migraine and 10 percent of migraine sufferers have them (however, I am not a migraine sufferer). It can be either a precursor to a "common" migraine or it can happen by itself, with no headache. Instead of lightning bolts, all the websites called them zigzags. And they all said that the zigzags would intensify (check), expand outward toward the periphery of vision (check), and then go away after 20-30 minutes.

And like magic, at almost exactly twenty minutes my zigzags went away. And about an hour after that I scheduled an appointment with my eye doctor.