Bathroom Thievery

Attention, everyone I work with, which is none of you, since I didn’t tell anyone at work I had a blog, so that I could write about work without fear of being dooced: lock up your purses. We have a thief in our midst. There is a sign in the women’s restroom that says: TO WHOEVER TOOK MY MUG ON WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28TH: Would you please be so kind as to bring my mug back.

So many questions come to mind.

Who would possibly steal a mug that is sitting in a bathroom? And who takes a mug into a bathroom to begin with? And is the thief just supposed to return the mug to the bathroom since the victim gave no name or phone number or column location*? And why didn’t the sign maker put a question mark at the end of her request?

Personally, I think it is the mug owner’s fault. I remember seeing that mug sitting there practically all damn day. If it had been a twenty or maybe a new mascara (I am out of mine, y’all, but if you want to get me some more, I am partial to ginger cocoa from this place), I might have taken it myself. Or not. I wouldn’t want to risk pinkeye or something. Twenties can be quite dirty, you know.

*My building is so big that we use column numbers to get places. Like if I was telling somebody where to find me, I’d send them to 7D, column W3. Gotta love corporate America.