Guilt

There are a lot of things I was completely unprepared for when I became a parent. Everyone had said there was no real way to explain what being a parent was like, and I always scoffed at it. How hard to explain could it be? And then I had a baby, and thought, oh. I get it now.

But of all the things I was unprepared for, there is one that really surprised me. I had no idea how much guilt I would feel. Almost every day there is something to feel guilty about. Maybe it's just society and marketers and etc. etc. making me feel inadequate and blah-dee-blah. But for the few people who still follow this blog, you know how rarely I post anymore. And I feel awfully guilty about that.

This blog is it in terms of memories. I keep no baby book. I don't organize our photos (though I do take some). I have a terrible memory, so if I don't write things down, I know the details of this time of our lives will fade away. It kills me that Milo and Olive aren't going to remember anything from this stage of their lives. We have such good times and share such sweet moments, but the memories will melt away like an ice cube in summer.

Here's my plan. The list of occasions and moments I want to remember has become staggeringly long, and therefore I have been avoiding trying to tackle it--because where does one even begin?--but all that will begin to change. I have been spending a lot of time lately on an entrepreneurial adventure, but in a week or so I will hand most of that off to my business partner. I found time to work on that business when I would have said before that my schedule was full. Now I need to turn those hours into blogging hours (at least partially). No excuses, right?

To make myself even more accountable, here is the list of things I want to blog about:
Halloween (I know, I know, it was over six months ago. Yikes.)
Christmas
Olive's first birthday (How can I have missed documenting my daughter's first birthday?!)
Gymnastics
The Gender Reveal
My sweet Milo
Our trip to Branson
And probably hundreds more will come to me over time.

It's crazy to think how much I've missed. But I'm going to try to do better. I can't promise the writing will be stellar, but at least my kids will have some clue about what their early childhoods were like. I love those two more than I can even explain, and I hope that someday they'll read all these entries and maybe begin to understand that just a little. Here we go...