Sad stuff

Well. Today did not go the way I expected it to. But I suppose nothing ever does, does it? Milo's in kindergarten, and Olive had preschool today, so I planned to spend my free morning sipping coffee, maybe do some gardening (ok, ok, I was going to dump out some dead plants from the pots. "Gardening" might be pushing it.), maybe read my book, maybe go for a walk. Really intense stuff, right? Instead, I got a text from my MIL. She said that her dad had contracted pneumonia, and would probably only live another day or two (he was already on hospice), and would Andrew and I be able to help her move out his furniture if he passed?

Of course, I said. And can I do anything for you now, bring you coffee or something? She and Angie, her stepmother, both accepted my offer of Starbucks, so I headed out for lattes and over to the nursing home. I had only been there a few minutes when he took his last breath. Loved ones of mine have passed away before, but I've never been there to see it. I wasn't even particularly close to John, but it's been a shock to my system to witness the death. I hope I was a comfort to Sarah and Angie, and not in the way. I'm sure they didn't expect me to be there for those last moments, either, and I felt like a bit of an outsider.

We had told the kids a couple weeks ago that John was sick, and that Nana was feeling sad about it. So today I had to explain to them that Nana's dad had died. And then spend forever discussing death, getting old, burials, cremation, and how we miss people when they die. I held it together until about the third hour of these talks, when I was trying to explain what cremation was to a five year old. Then I just sort of gave up, told them to please play outside because Mommy wasn't feeling too good and needed to lie down.

Then Daddy got home, I drank some wine, and he took the kids to the playground. My thoughts tonight are with Angie, Sarah, and the rest of the family. I wish there was more I could do than bring pumpkin spice lattes. Rest in peace, John.