After months of considering it (but taking no action), I finally decided to make this blog private. As of this writing, I have zero readers. If anyone notices it is private, they can request access. I'm planning to limit it to family and maybe a few close friends. Not that anyone else was reading it to begin with. But as my kids get older, I'm worried about sharing too much about them. I don't want their friends searching their names and reading about their struggles. I don't know if I want them to find this blog and read about themselves. Maybe in 10 years or so. I also have a lot on my mind that I want to get out, but I don't necessarily want the world to read it. I don't know if I want my family to read it to be honest, but I need the support, I think.
For having so little to do, my life feels awfully complex right now. I left Hallmark about a year and a half ago. While I think it was a good decision, and I'm glad to have gotten to know my kids so much better, I've been struggling lately with my situation. I'm getting bored. I'm often dissatisfied. I miss having tasks and deadlines and things to challenge me. I'm not a great housekeeper, so cleaning up and washing clothes does not give me any pleasure. I only feel stress about the clutter and dirty carpets. I try to play pretend games with Olive, but I can only act like her baby doll is sick for so long. There are things I want to do--paint a picture to put on the mantel, start a nature photography project, learn embroidery--but they all seem so insignificant, not to mention difficult to accomplish while spending my days with the kids.
I know that something needs to change. My frustrations spill out on the kids, and it's not fair to them. The problem is that I don't know how to change things. I want to spend more time with my friends and go on more dates with Andrew. I want something meaningful to do. So much easier said than done.
UPDATED: J/K. The blog is public again. Because reasons.
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3 comments:
Ummm, READER HERE! I was shocked to see your blog show up in my reader, it's been a long time!! I can relate to the unfulfilled thoughts, it's a strange place to navigate for sure!
Oh my gosh, hello Reader! Are you still blogging? I haven't seen anything show up in my feeds. But I had to switch my reader, so maybe I lost yours? I'm so glad you commented. Perhaps I will fire up the ol' blog again. At least once in a while...
I'm not, I got so far behind on mine (Punch Today in the Face) that it just really made me sad every time I thought about it so downloaded all of it, sent the file to make a book and deleted it. I'm pretty much a sore loser, lol. I have thought about starting one up again but just really don't know where I will find the time and see the same cycle happening all over again. I do miss it, that's for sure. I am happy some keep up on theirs though because I love reading :) If I remember right, I think we have 2 that are close in age!
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