Sunday, September 19

The Time Has Come

I am a mess. An emotional wreck. I alternate between crying and being irrationally angry with Andrew. Milo starts daycare tomorrow, and I head back to work on Tuesday. And even though it's been a full six months—or maybe because it's been a full six months—I'm not ready for this.

Yes, I miss work. I love what I do, and I love my workplace and my coworkers. But how can I leave my baby in the care of people who are, for now, essentially perfect strangers? Of course Milo will have a good time. New toys, new faces to check out. But I like to think that he needs me and will miss me. I know I will miss him. Just typing that makes me tear up, and I'm not even kidding. I knew it would be hard to leave him at daycare, and I also knew that I would definitely be returning to work—no question. Though I knew these things before he was even born, that knowledge hasn't made it any easier now that the time has come.

Earlier tonight I loaded up a bag full of the stuff he'll need at daycare. Two crib sheets, a couple of spare outfits, a bunch of cloth diapers and wipes. I felt like I was packing his bags to send him off forever. And since mornings are going to be spent mostly getting ready and getting out the door, and evenings will consist of a whopping hour and half before Milo's bedtime, I practically am sending him off forever. I feel like I'm never going to see my baby anymore. And that breaks my heart. See you when it's time to start kindergarten, Milo.

I'm sure I'm sounding a little overly dramatic to those of you who have never dropped off your first child at daycare for the first time. But some of you know what I'm saying, right? And some of you have told me that it does get easier, and I can't tell you how much I'm holding on to that thought. You've also told me how wonderful his smile will be when he sees me walk through the door in the evening. I look forward to that, too.

I really, really love that little boy.
Where did this teeny baby go? How can he be six months old already?

3 comments:

Grandma Susan said...

I know this is hard on you. I also realized this weekend that I won't be getting to spend "yoga time" with him anymore. If you get desparate and need a "Milo fix" over lunch some day, give me a call and maybe I could pick him up and bring him for a visit.

Lindsay said...

Hang in there...you're doing great!!!!

katy said...

Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you. Hope the first day at work went well. You're a fabulous mommy!