Tuesday, February 7

Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning at 7:00am I will be at the hospital, ready to have a baby. After much discussion and deliberation, we decided to induce earlier than originally planned. And so tomorrow it is. I can't tell you how unreal it is, to have felt so incredible ready to have this baby for the last three or four weeks, but now that I actually know that it's happening tomorrow, I barely feel ready at all.

So many questions run through my mind. What is it going to be like, to be induced? Will it be much more uncomfortable from the start? Will I regret this decision? How long will labor take? Will I recognize my daughter the way I remember sort of recognizing Milo? What will she look like? Dark hair? Red hair? No hair? Will I love her right away, or will it take some time? How could my love for her possibly compare to my love for Milo? Is it even possible to love that much again?

It's less than 12 hours away, the beginning of the end of pregnancy. Probably my last pregnancy. I feel relief and sadness all at once. I had a sonogram this morning to check my fluid levels. Since we'd already decided to induce, it wasn't really necessary, but I'm so glad I kept the appointment. Even though she's too squished for me to see her face, I loved getting one last glimpse of her beating heart, her spine, and her cramped little body. I do feel connected in some way to this baby, and I hope that translates into love when I first hold her in my arms. I hear parents of two or more kids say that they, too, worried about loving the second child as much as they love the first, but that they just do. Can't explain it, you just do.

Tomorrow we'll become a family of four. Tomorrow Milo will meet his little sister. Tomorrow will be a day forever etched in my mind. And tomorrow, I just might start to believe that this is all really happening.

3 comments:

Lindsay said...

So, SO excited for you and your family tomorrow. Can't wait to meet her. :)

Linda and Matthew said...

Our capacity as parents to love our children is one of the greatest miracles and blessings in life. Not only will you love your daughteras much as Milo, you will love both of them more as you watch them become siblings. It's pretty sweet. My biggest fear was ruining Charlotte's life and while the adjustment period was challenging, I can state with certainty that Charlotte's life is even fuller and wonderful with a sister. I think she'd even say the same! Good luck with the birthing!

Cherish This Life! said...

Ahh, what a great post to read. I am just getting around to blog reading and this was a pleasant surprise! So happy for you. I was induced with K and was so scared. It was much easier than I expected or prepared myself for. I hope everything goes really well. Can't wait to see pictures of your little girl! Congrats on the Family of Four status!!!

I can totally relate to the loving 2 bit. I was really scared, like terrified that I wasn't going to be able to love both the same amount. I struggled with the adjustment period and what it would be like but all of that worry was wasted because living it was life changing. It's not always easy but I have to tell you that it's magical. I don't love them the same way, it's just hard to explain. It's different than I expected, in a good way for sure. I love them both so much in their own ways and in the end it's not about comparing. I always looked at it as a comparison or a gauge but really they are unique in their own ways and there is no way to compare.

I am so happy for you! I can't wait for pictures. And most of all - CONGRATS ON NOT BEING PREGNANT ANYMORE! :)