Friday, July 29

Back to the Beginning

I wrote this way back in early June, when I had just found out I was pregnant. You know, to capture the moment and all. Enjoy.

June 9, 2011

Big news: I'm pregnant. I know, I can barely believe it myself. Milo is going to be a big brother before the age of two. I found out five days ago and I'm still a little shocked.
We knew we wanted more than one child, and we knew we wanted them to be fairly close together. But when we started really talking about going off birth control for the second time, I did not feel ready. Being pregnant was very hard for me. I hated being sick all the time, I hated the discomfort and the heartburn and the way it messed with my skin. I hated how much weight I gained and how hard it was to lose it. So I wasn't ready to jump into that for awhile, especially not with a toddler running around.

But then... we talked about how long it took us last time to get pregnant. Over a year. And how it could definitely take that long again. And how even though I would probably never look forward to being pregnant again, I knew I wanted to have another baby. So we decided to go ahead and go off birth control, and just take it slow and see what happened. I figured I had a good six or eight months before we would possibly conceive, so I had time to really get excited about having another baby.

And six weeks later, I went and got myself good and knocked up.

We were flying to Chicago to visit friends, and since I hadn't gotten my period, I wanted to double check to be sure I could drink while we were there. Not for a single second did I actually think I might be pregnant. Not even a little. But bam, I peed on the stick and almost instantly the pregnant sign showed up. I did a double-take, then started freaking out. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was so shaky I couldn't stand. Sitting on the floor of the bathroom, I called for Andrew, and I couldn't even say anything. I pointed to the stick, and said "That thing says I'm pregnant." I literally didn't believe it. I started crying, out of total fear and shock. I had no idea how we were going to handle two babies. We really didn't have time to let it all sink in because we had an early flight to catch. It took another couple days (and one more positive pregnancy test) before it all really sunk in. Then yesterday the nausea began, and I fully believed I was pregnant.

I honestly don't know if we're ready for two kids. We're going to be a family of four. I don't know how I'm going to handle all the morning sickness and still play with and take care of Milo. There are a lot of things about this situation that freak me out. But then I look at Milo and see just how amazing he is. And I remember how we got through all the hurdles of those early newborn days. And I look at Andrew and know how much he loves me and Milo.

We're going to be just fine.


Linda and Matthew said...

You'll be surprised how easy the baby stuff feels the second time around!

Matt and I thought we wanted kids two to three years apart, but when we got to the point where I would need to be pregnant for them to be two years between them, we thought, well, maybe not two. Three would be better. And then I found out I was pregnant. Oops. But yay!

I was scared to death of having a second child because I thought there was no way I could possibly have room in my heart to love someone as much as I loved Charlotte, but then Audrey showed us her beautiful face and I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes. And there is NOTHING cooler than seeing your child become a sibling. So special.

Congratulations again! Yay!

Anonymous said...

This is a beautiful blog entry. In my experience, Linda's comment also is spot on: Your capacity to love grows exponentially the second you meet your second baby, if not long before. On the downside, your time and energy don't necessarily expand quite the same way, but having your first and second is somehow so much fun that you don't mind being perpetually exhausted and always having a long list of things to do around the house.