Back to the Beginning

I wrote this way back in early June, when I had just found out I was pregnant. You know, to capture the moment and all. Enjoy.

June 9, 2011

Big news: I'm pregnant. I know, I can barely believe it myself. Milo is going to be a big brother before the age of two. I found out five days ago and I'm still a little shocked.

We knew we wanted more than one child, and we knew we wanted them to be fairly close together. But when we started really talking about going off birth control for the second time, I did not feel ready. Being pregnant was very hard for me. I hated being sick all the time, I hated the discomfort and the heartburn and the way it messed with my skin. I hated how much weight I gained and how hard it was to lose it. So I wasn't ready to jump into that for awhile, especially not with a toddler running around.

But then... we talked about how long it took us last time to get pregnant. Over a year. And how it could definitely take that long again. And how even though I would probably never look forward to being pregnant again, I knew I wanted to have another baby. So we decided to go ahead and go off birth control, and just take it slow and see what happened. I figured I had a good six or eight months before we would possibly conceive, so I had time to really get excited about having another baby.

And six weeks later, I went and got myself good and knocked up.

We were flying to Chicago to visit friends, and since I hadn't gotten my period, I wanted to double check to be sure I could drink while we were there. Not for a single second did I actually think I might be pregnant. Not even a little. But bam, I peed on the stick and almost instantly the pregnant sign showed up. I did a double-take, then started freaking out. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was so shaky I couldn't stand. Sitting on the floor of the bathroom, I called for Andrew, and I couldn't even say anything. I pointed to the stick, and said "That thing says I'm pregnant." I literally didn't believe it. I started crying, out of total fear and shock. I had no idea how we were going to handle two babies. We really didn't have time to let it all sink in because we had an early flight to catch. It took another couple days (and one more positive pregnancy test) before it all really sunk in. Then yesterday the nausea began, and I fully believed I was pregnant.

I honestly don't know if we're ready for two kids. We're going to be a family of four. I don't know how I'm going to handle all the morning sickness and still play with and take care of Milo. There are a lot of things about this situation that freak me out. But then I look at Milo and see just how amazing he is. And I remember how we got through all the hurdles of those early newborn days. And I look at Andrew and know how much he loves me and Milo.

We're going to be just fine.

It's embarrassing, really.

When I was pregnant with Milo, I absolutely required two breakfasts every day. I'd eat something at home, hope not to vomit it back up, then get to work and eat second breakfast.

With this pregnancy, I apparently need to eat two lunches. First lunch around 11:00, then second around 2:30 or 3:00. I've been bringing snacks and such, but today I actually just bought two lunches in the cafeteria. Definitely got some looks. I hope people assumed I was buying for someone else. They don't need to know that the someone else is about two inches long and resides in my abdomen.

 Yes, that is a plate of cheesy pasta and an entire turkey sandwich. Why do you ask?

12 Weeks

12 weeks. That is the number of weeks pregnant I am.

I'll wait for that to sink in. Take your time.

Are you as surprised as I was when I found out? Doubtful. But it's true. We are going to have another baby. Milo will officially become a big brother on or around February 6.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

Where has the month gone? The 16-Month Stats

This last month has flown by. In some ways, Milo seems exactly the same as he did a month ago, and in other ways, he’s totally different.

He’s learning language like crazy. Almost every day he surprises me with another word he knows. I doubt I can even list them all at this point. A few notable words: Daddy, baby, tree, uh-oh, please (spoken and sign language), car.

He can identify his mouth, nose, head, belly, belly button, feet, toes (okay, feet and toes might be the same in his mind), and we’re working on ears.

On command, Milo will give hugs and kisses (sometimes), raise the roof, hand over his paci (most of the time), and say bye-bye.

Milo is turning into a real toddler. As of late, he cries All. The. Time. Pretty sure he’s learned to manipulate us. He throws tantrums, kicks his feet on the floor and screams. He will let his body go limp or throw his head back or fling his body one way or another when he’s upset. It’s very trying and we don’t really know how to deal with it. We’re trying to ignore the bad behavior and reward the good. I still think doing something like putting him in time-out would be fairly useless at this point. Just don’t think he gets it.

Milo has been waking up at all hours of the night crying. Nothing is ever wrong—not poopy, not soaked through, not sick. He just wants to hang out. We’re working on quitting going in there.

No recent official measurements, but I think Milo is growing taller and maintaining his weight. His belly doesn’t seem quite as round lately.

He still has plenty of chub, though. He’s got delicious round thighs and those cute dimples on the back of his hands. We’ve gotten several comments lately from people saying how big he is.

Unfortunately, Milo is starting to be a little bit pickier of an eater. Some nights he’ll eat everything on his plate; other nights he’ll only eat the carbs and dairy. He’s definitely not a fan of meat. Still like eggs, bananas, and yogurt.

His hair looks more and more red to me, especially in the sun.

He’s taken to dancing whenever there’s music playing. So cute to see him bobbing up and down.

He loves being chased, and is getting pretty good at running away—his balance is much improved, and he can basically run at this point.

When he walks, his arms swing around sort of haphazardly in an adorable way. Must get video of this.

Milo has five teeth.

Milo had his first trip to the beach this month. He enjoyed playing in the sand and came to enjoy the ocean, though it was intimidating at first. Photos to come.

Milo swats away things he doesn’t want. Sippy cups, spoons, a book. Sigh.

Even with all these ridiculous toddler traits, the crying and the tantrums and the swatting, it’s fun to watch this baby turn into a little kid. He’s still fairly awesome in spite of growing up on me.

Sorry for the phone-quality photos. Our camera is still with my parents, who drove it (and a bunch of our other stuff) back from vacation.

Guess what?

Remember how Milo had The Diaper Rash That Would Not Go Away? Well! Turns out he had (has?) an MRSA infection!

That's terrible!

Yes. Well. I suppose I feel like somewhat better of a parent for not being able to fix it. I felt such guilt over The Rash, like maybe we just need to switch soaps or lotions AGAIN or try a new detergent AGAIN or give him more probiotics or try yet another rash cream or ointment or put him on another antibiotic for a yeast infection he didn't have (WHICH IS THE EXACT SORT OF BEHAVIOR THAT LEADS TO MRSA IN THE FIRST PLACE).

But still. How many months did he have this infection without it ever being discovered? My guess is close to six. How much damage could it have done in that time? Plenty. How many other kids at the daycare have it (because yes, I am 99.9 percent certain that he contracted it at daycare)? Who knows?

There's really no telling if Milo still has it. His diaper rash is sometimes better, sometimes worse. But since we haven't done anything to treat MRSA, I'd guess it's still present. Poor kid.

The Latest Hallmark Recordable Storybook

Here's the most recent Recordable Storybook I edited. This one jumped straight to #2 out of all our books (only behind our Disney Cars Recordable Storybook, which has the support of the movie to give it an extra boost), and I predict it'll do well for a long time. Go check it out. Perfect for all the little princesses in your life!

Image from Hallmark.com

More new words

Milo is learning new words faster than I can get them noted. He knows "car" and "good job." We tell him "good job" a lot, and he always claps for himself when we say it. Now he repeats it, then claps. Adorable.

15 Months!

• Weight: 25 lbs., 13 oz. (75th percentile)
• Length: 30 1/2 in. (30th percentile)
• Head Circumference: 19 in. (75th percentile)

Milo is doing so much and impressing me daily. I can't believe how quickly he learns things.

I taught him how to shake hands. It's adorable. He doesn't know to just use his right hand, so we shake with both. But seriously, can anyone tell me why we only shake hands one way?

He is constantly learning new words, and he's especially fond of "B" words. His words: ball, balloon, bird, byebye, hi, hello (like answering the phone), whoa, banana, kitty, bubble, fan, more (which he pronounces "mama").

He is just the sweetest boy ever. Yesterday I held out my arms and said, "Milo, can I have a hug?" and he smiled real big, came over to me and basically climbed into my arms. He snuggled for a moment, then went back to playing. And my heart melted all over the floor.

Milo loves swinging.

Milo likes playing at the park, and he can even go down the slide all by himself.

One of Milo's favorite activities is pushing things around. Laundry baskets, trashcans, toy bins—if he can move it, he pushes it.

He is starting to get more hair, especially in the back. It's looking pretty blond, except in the sun, when it definitely has a hint of red.

Milo has five teeth now. His 5th (top, just left of center) poked through a couple days ago.

When we say "Good job," Milo claps.

Milo's favorite book is "The Bugliest Bug." We've been reading it a lot. Andrew has it memorized. He sometimes brings over a book and expects to be read to, but his interest doesn't last long.

Favorite foods include eggs, cheese, bread, bananas, grapes, and strawberries. When he sees a banana being peeled, he literally flaps his arms with excitement.

Milo is an excellent night-sleeper, going down (easily) around 7:45 and sleeping until about 6:00.  He occasionally wakes up too early, but since he rarely fusses in the night, it seems like an okay trade-off. Says me, who gets to sleep in every Sunday thanks to my amazing husband.

Milo is now 15 months old, which is the age my sister was when I was born. What? I've always known this, but now that I have a baby that old, it's even more unbelievable. So close together.

Milo cries when Andrew leaves him at daycare. Or pretty much when Andrew leaves him anywhere. He's a major Daddy's boy.

Milo likes to chase and be chased in circles around the house.

When Andrew says, "Where's Milo?" Milo covers his eyes with both hands. Then the requisite "There he is!" upon the eye reveal. Milo finds this hilarious.

During bathtime, Milo will put his face in the water sometimes. He thinks this is pretty fun.

He likes putting things in other things and taking them back out again (like toys in a basket).

He'll pick up pretty much anything and hold it up to his ear like a phone and say "hello" (pronounced more like "eh-oh") in the same intonation one would use when answering the phone. Don't know where he learned this trick, as we hardly ever talk on the phone.

Milo takes one nap during the day at daycare, and two naps on weekend days. Sigh. Wish he could get more sleep at daycare.

I love love love Milo. Sometimes I look at him and still can't believe he's mine. Lucky, lucky me.

The sprinkler, Chicago, and a really big T-shirt

I know I haven't posted photos in awhile, so I wanted to reassure you that Milo is indeed still quite cute. This post is just a bunch of photos from that last month or so.

First, the really big T-shirt. Actually, on me, this is a really tiny T-shirt.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we had a little barbecue at my parents' house. Milo enjoyed riding around in the Cozy Coupe and playing in the sprinkler.

We also recently took a trip to Chicago to visit our good friends. Milo and Eli are really close in age, and it was great fun to hang out with two adorable tiny people. We even put them in matching outfits, because how else could we embarrass them when they're in middle school?

I just love Milo's expression in this one.

He climbed the stairs and went down the slide all by himself!

Hello Again

Well. It has been awhile, hasn't it? I owe you some updates.

• Andrew taught Milo how to "raise the roof." It's pretty funny, but very fifteen years ago. What, are we going to teach him the Macarena next?
• Milo played in the sprinkler for the first time. He was a little cautious at first, but got into it after awhile. Video to come, maybe, if I get around to it.
  
• My five-year anniversary at Hallmark is in a couple days. Seems hard to believe that I've been at this company that long. Hallmark has so many people who have been here for 25 or 30 years, that to be here for only five is to still be considered new. I spent about a month in proofreading, then spent almost a year and a half in visual merchandising before moving to the books team, where I've been for almost three and a half years. Good times. Sometimes I wonder how many years I'll work at Hallmark. Will I retire from here? I have no idea, but I'm happy where I'm at for now.
• Sometimes I have incredible guilt over being a working mom. Scratch that. I often have incredible guilt over being a working mom. I see things that daycare does that are just not good enough, and I think, if I stayed home, Milo would have better. I don't really want to stay home with him, though. So instead I just cry sometimes and wallow in the guilt.
• Some days I really hate daycare. Some examples: 1) Now that Milo is eating at a table with the other kids, we basically quit sending lunch and snacks with him and just let him eat the daycare food (which is crappy). So we cross off the things on the menu that we don't want him to have, like pop-tarts, brownies, and honeybuns, among others. And then when I pick him up, I see that he was fed pop-tarts anyway. Apparently the teacher that remembers to check our crossed-off menu wasn't here yet. But seriously, why does a daycare feed one-year-olds pop-tarts and brownies IN THE SAME DAY anyway? Outrageous. 2) Milo's classroom plays outside every day. They have some kind of mulch out there, I guess. The other night, after Milo had been home for over an hour (and fussy the whole time) I took his shoes off and TONS OF MULCH FELL OUT. Little pieces of WOOD inside his SHOES, that were sandal-like, so he didn't even have SOCKS on. No wonder he was fussy. I would be too if I had been walking around with shrapnel in my shoes for hours on end. 3) When I got to daycare the other day, I noticed right away that Milo smelled like poo. His teacher asked if I wanted her to change him before we left, since it had been a couple hours since his last diaper change. I said, yes please. And as she cleaned him up, I stood there playing with Milo. And she was about to snap up the clean diaper, but I could still see SEVERAL LARGE PIECES OF MULCH around his groin. I said, would you please wipe those away before putting on the new diaper? She said, oh sure, I can do that. AS IF IT WERE UNREASONABLE TO ASK TO REMOVE THE CHUNKS OF WOOD FROM MY SON'S UNDERPANTS.
• We have a mile-long list of house projects, but it doesn't look like we're going to cross many of those projects off any time soon. Lack of money, lack of time, lack of Mark and Stan (they're tied up with Mark's house project). One of my goals for 2011 was to redecorate our bedroom. I've purchased some new bedding and some accessories, but I'm not sure new furniture is going to happen this year. I have to sell our current furniture first, anyway. If you or anyone you know is looking for an ebony-stained hardwood bedroom furniture set that includes a queen-sized bed, two nightstands, tall dresser, and a wide dresser with big square mirror, let me know. I'd probably be willing to make a deal.
• I just learned at work that my department is moving to a different location in the building. I'm going to miss my cube. I've got a narrow sliver of window (a rare commodity in this place). I'm against the wall so I never have any passersby. And because I'm against the back wall, I'm missing a cube wall, which gives me an extra eight inches or so of space. It'll be a sad day for me when we make the move. I hear it'll be sometime before August, so I'll just have to make the most of our last summer together.
• As you may have (but probably haven't) noticed in my "about me" sidebar, we are now a one-cat family. As you might recall, I had some major concerns about our cat Gary and her aggressive tendencies. Hoping to help her release some of her tension, we let her become an outdoor cat last fall. It went okay for awhile. But we put her outside on December 7, and I haven't seen her since. I remember the exact date, because it began snowing on my birthday, and I thought, I hope Gary's okay. She's been outside for four days now (longer than usual) and I don't know what she'll do in the cold and snow. Then on Christmas night, we left town to go to Colorado, and I worried that even if Gary tried to come back, we wouldn't be home to let her in. And then winter got more wintry, and at some point, I quit looking for her as I drove into the neighborhood. I have no idea what happened to her. Was she picked up by animal control? I don't think so, since she's microchipped and I think they would have contacted us. Did another family take her in and start feeding her? Probably not, since she would have peed on their floors and bitten their heads off. Was she injured, hit by a car, stuck in a tree, frozen in the snow? Makes me sad to think of it. I remember when we first got her, and she was such a tiny wiry kitten. I said to Andrew, I don't know how sad it will be when she's old and sick. She's my first pet, I can't imagine how I'll feel. But she never got to be old or sick. And honestly, I'm not really sad anymore. I look at Milo, and I know that if that cat had hurt him in any way, I would personally have driven her to the vet to never come home without thinking twice about it. So I guess it's all for the best. I just wish I knew what had happened to her.
• Zadie, meanwhile, our one and only cat, has been wonderful around Milo. She lets him pet her and chase her, and even when he threw himself on top of her, she didn't swat him or anything. She's a good cat. I think we'll keep her for awhile.